I’ll bet there isn’t a week that goes by when you don’t hear someone say something along the lines of “education is all about relationships” - probably in the context of a conversation about behaviour, or trying to engage a seemingly disaffected child.
This might be true, but what makes a good teacher-child relationship? Writing for Tes, teacher Bernard Andrews recently explored that question from a conceptual standpoint. But what about thinking about it in practical terms? How do we build the relationships that will effectively support teaching and learning?
We’ve all worked with teachers who communicate a reassuring sense of confidence and calm to the children in their care. The children feel physically and emotionally safe in their company; they recognise that it’s safe to have a go, as struggle or failure will be met with support, not shaming.
These teachers know they’re not there to be friends, but that the task of building relationships requires far more than being a nice, approachable adult.
So, what does that look like in practice?
1. Enforcing boundaries
When you hold the line on behaviour that is not good enough, you send two clear messages to the child: “I care enough about you not to let you do that” and “the safety and wellbeing of everyone is important to me”.
Boundaries need to strike the right balance, though. If they are too oppressive or too permissive, the relationship won’t flourish, as the children will not feel secure in the teacher’s company.
2. A fresh start to each day
By not bringing up past difficulties we let children know that they are welcome in our classroom and that we want them to succeed. Openers along the lines of “Today had better be an improvement on last lesson, or else,” are counterproductive.
Students will be very sensitive to their first interaction with you, no matter how fleeting, as they walk back into your room after an incident the last time they were with you. That first interaction tells them how you really feel about them, so let’s make it a positive one.
3. Contacting home when things have improved
We need to recognise progress, even if things are not yet good enough, rather than just when things go really well.
Many teachers fall into the trap of only contacting parents when something has gone wrong, especially for children who find it difficult to thrive in school. But making the effort to let parents or carers know when things are improving tells children and their parents that their efforts to do better have been noticed and are important to us. This can help the child sustain the effort to keep moving in the right direction.
4. Humour, joy and celebration
I worry that the weight of multiple pressures and demands placed on teachers these days risks some of the joy disappearing from schools, especially for teenagers.
Keeping the humour, joy and celebration alive in our classrooms is vital for the children to believe that we want their time with us to be not just about memorising, but for it to be memorable.
5. Holding environments
A “holding environment” is a caring and supporting environment that creates a sense of trust and safety. The concept was developed by paediatrician Donald Winnicott.
Winnicott argued that emotional problems develop when a person has been deprived of such holding environments in childhood. He theorised that it is a parent’s duty to slowly but surely disappoint their children - knowing when to say “no”, and teaching their children that they are not their friend. Teachers need to undertake a similar process.
A major part of our role is to make sure that children become sufficiently independent and are able to tackle challenges even when we’re not around to help. If we don’t get the balance of classroom relationships right, especially with those children who find it hardest to succeed at school, it’s difficult to make this happen.
An oppressive atmosphere where making a mistake means getting in trouble, or a permissive atmosphere that becomes chaotic do not represent good holding environments.
If we fail to notice when a child is improving or we continually remind them of past failures, they may simply give up trying. In these environments children can resort to trying to survive, when what we really want them to do is thrive.
Jarlath O’Brien is the author of Better behaviour: a guide for teachers and Leading better behaviour: a guide for school leaders
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