Affluent neglect, often seen in international schools, can be tricky to deal with. After all, if parents are outwardly providing children with all their needs, what is the problem?
Yet many of us understand that hard-working parents are often away from their children for long periods of time and can be unaware of issues they may be facing.
It’s a difficult situation to deal with - especially since mentioning the word “neglect†to hard-working parents will result in pushback. Nonetheless, we can’t turn away from the issue.
Here are four ways of approaching the topic:
1. Social media and newsletter outreach
Most fee-paying schools have social media accounts that are used to relay information to parents and the wider community.
In the past, we have used these to get the topic out there as we know our media accounts are active, so by sending out articles via this means, we know that parents will be picking up on the topic.
This is usually best done around 6-8 weeks after the academic year has begun and we have become aware of certain students who may be living with affluent neglect.
2. Parent sessions
In my present school, we have bi-monthly “parent coffee sessions†in which parents come to the school and people with different roles in the school give a presentation related to their line of work.
These presentations have allowed staff members to present ideas and take questions from parents.
Discussing affluent neglect and providing some examples of what it is would give parents a clearer understanding of what it consists of. Parents will typically be engaged about this “new†subject and will likely ask questions at the end of the session.
However, if one does intend to provide examples of affluent neglect, try to refrain from examples from your current school or examples strongly associated with one culture over another as this may cause a grievance with some parents in the room.
3. Meet with parents
This one is tricky, so you need to plan before the parents arrive. Discussing these topics in person requires that parents are aware you care about their child and you have their best interests at heart.
Present them with observations and not certainties, eg, “I’ve noticed [child] seems tired in class and appears withdrawn. Have you noticed any changes at home?†or â€[Child] often struggles to meet deadlines, and they’ve expressed feeling overwhelmed and unable to cope. Have they spoken about these issues with you?â€
To address the issue head-on, especially in person, will almost certainly be met with hostility.
In my experience, creating a non-judgemental atmosphere and avoiding the term “neglect†allows the parents to understand that there is an issue and that they probably need to spend more time at home.
The key is to create a situation where parents can reflect and learn about the problem without feeling attacked.
4. Use your local experts
In my experience, if the above three have made little to no difference, I explain the situation to someone in senior management who is part of the culture and get their take on how the issue could be addressed, eg, leave it or get relevant authorities involved.
Obviously, getting the authorities involved will need to be considered carefully as wealthier parents often have the social capital to manipulate the situation or, in some countries, the authorities may dismiss the issue as a “family problemâ€.
Overall, regardless of the outcome, we must continue reaching out to students of concern, supporting them and offering support whenever they need it.
I’ve never viewed pastoral work as a 9-5 role; it is something we often take home with us on evenings and weekends. If we can’t change a student’s immediate environment, we can at least let them know we care and are there for them during their struggles.
Gary Wood works as a pastoral coordinator at an international school in Wuxi, China
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