“I gave out my first house point today!” I shouted down the phone, giddily.
I could hear the relief in my husband’s voice as he replied.
I had spent the previous night crying over dinner, unable to hold any kind of coherent conversation. I was overwhelmed and exhausted.
So the house point was a small win, and yet a massive deal.
I am a doctor. I have spent the last 11 years working as a paediatrician but recently hung up my stethoscope to retrain as a primary teacher.
I remember buzzing after my teacher-training interview, full of passion, enthusiasm and excitement. Above all, I saw possibility.
Nervous excitement
Everything to do with schools and education feels new to me. This is hugely exciting, of course, but it also terrifies me.
In the space of a few weeks, I have gone from being knowledgeable, respected and good at my job, to completely clueless and overwhelmed.
I look at my class teacher, her subject knowledge, her ability to control the room and facilitate learning and I see a mountain to climb.
On one of my first days in school, I helped marshal 45 children to the local swimming pool. That was an experience. The next day I put up a display, only to realise that I had missed a letter out.
Everything feels new: using a staple gun, photocopier, guillotine…things that teachers take for granted. That’s before we even start thinking about planning, assessment for learning, differentiating and so on.
I drive to work each morning with my head spinning, reciting my times tables.
At the end of each day, I leave school feeling overwhelmed by the sheer volume of what I am facing.
From bar charts and hundred squares to subordinate clauses and past-perfect verbs. Maths mastery, inclusion, phonemes, planning for progression...
Social space
Faced with hundreds of questions, I turned to Twitter.
The value of using social media for continued professional development is now well documented and I am so happy to be a part of it. Hashtags like #edutwitter and #PrimaryRocks were a great place to start.
As I reached out, teachers from all over offered me support, answered my questions and recommended resources. They reminded me that it was OK to feel overwhelmed and that above all, self-care is crucial to surviving in teaching.
You can’t escape the stories of teacher burnout and exhaustion, and more staff than ever before. My Twitter tribe was right. If I am to get through this year (and the many more to come), I have to find time for me.
So, as I go into my fourth week, I have gained some perspective. I’ve booked a weekend away, caught up with some friends and realised that it isn’t as overwhelming as I thought.
I have also spoken to my course lead and class teacher, and to my friends and family. As much as I wanted to tell them all that I’ve loved every minute of training so far, I couldn’t.
Instead, I was honest. I spoke of the highs and lows, explained my vulnerabilities and asked for support. In doing so, I stand a better chance of succeeding. Because I know I will love it.
Jess Dobson is a trainer teacher with the Ilkley All Saints’ Teacher Training Partnership in Yorkshire. She has left the medical profession as a paediatrician to train to become a primary school teacher in the 5-11 age range
For World Teachers’ Day 2019, Tes is having a new teacher takeover - every piece published on our website on 5 October will be by a new or early career teacher. Find the rest of the articles at our World Teachers’ Day hub.
